maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
