I wanna bring you to show and tell
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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