I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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