My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
