You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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