I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
