you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i believe in u and ur pee
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
