I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
