So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
