I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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