don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
