you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
