Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
