I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think my vagina is haunted
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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