Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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