My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
