He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
