ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
