so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
