why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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