There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
North Korea, Best Korea!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Blow job season was short but glorious.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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