....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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