she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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