You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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