Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
