Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
