twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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