I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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