Who wears a wallet chain?!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
