How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
