apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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