im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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