So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
