You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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