hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
