and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
