I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
