i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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