Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
