If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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