He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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