Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
