Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
pop tarts are not kleenex
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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