no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
