so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
