At least make sure they are 18
Why
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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