I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
