I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
