I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So much rum. So many feels.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
