She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize