My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
