a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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