I accidentally had phone sex last night
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i am craving dick and cupcakes
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
