the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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