you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
