3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
