I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we're making bets on your personal life
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
