THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
