He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
