He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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