he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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