yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
