Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
