Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
