Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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