i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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