Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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