During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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