I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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