grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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