There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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