I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
